A few months ago it was my maternal grandmother, and just last week it was my paternal grandfather. Everybody's leaving so quickly nowadays that the nights we spent celebrating their birthdays last year seemed like just a dream.
You know, at my grandfather's wake, it was the first time in 20 years that I've ever seen my dad cry, it nearly made me cry too - considering im pretty darn cold-hearted these days. It also made me think, had it been my dad, then one of my greatest regret in this world would be not having told him myself how much I loved him, and how thankful I am for all the things he has done for me and the family, how he toiled so hard to support our extravragant expenses (especially my brother's and mine). Still, i couldnt find the courage to tell my dad, for whenever i felt like doing so, i'd think "this sounds so stupid, forget it...". I guess this is one of the greatest drawback of being a taciturn, an introvert - it's not being unable to confess to the girl whom you like and crap like that, but being unable to express your gratitude for your parents who raised and cared for you unconditionally. I just hope i make it big someday, not so much to have my revenge against people who looked down on me and stripped me of my chances anymore, but to give my parents a very comfortable life so that they need not slog any longer, they've slogged for long enough.

Anyways, I'll be doing my national service in 5 days time... so im grabbing every chance i can to lash my time out on computer games, especially Shining Force III!!! It's such a good game that everybody SHOULD play it, if you don't you really don't know what you're missing! I kinda prefered it if they made it non-linear like in Shining Force II though...it would feel more adventurous to explore the world by yourself =D But the story is way more intriguing than Shining Force II's, it has alot of twists and such, and not sudden unfounded ones like in Ninja Gaiden (Murai -_-"). Of course, the main reason for anyone to play Shining Force III would be... the BATTLE SYSTEM! Oh well, I'll get back to gaming, there's not much time left for me to do so at least until 3 weeks later.

This took place slightly more than a week before. Well, to cut the long story short, my grandma had passed away. I heard it was heart failure in the hospital which caused her demise. On the day of her passing itself - 10 April 2008 - a phone call came at around 6 am which notified my parents about something critical pertaining to my grandma, then at about 6.50am, my mum came and asked me if i wanted to go pay a visit at the hospital to which i replied "I've got work". My mum then told me that the doctor had warned that it might very well be her last moment and that was when my conscience really struck me hard (I hadn't been visiting her for quite some time). I remained rather flabbergasted for a while and then i agreed to go with my parents. My brother continued to sleep at home because he slept at around 4am and was extremely exhausted.

At the hospital, i saw my relatives - my aunts, uncles and some cousins, most of whom were crying - and my grandma was, fortunately, still alive. However, she was already gasping for breath, and seem to be very much in pain. I stood outside the ward for awhile with two of my uncles, then the doctor came by and told us that my grandma had been really strong and held out for a real long time, but also told us to be mentally prepared nonetheless.
I walked inside with a heavy heart, my aunt signalled with her hand for me to go over to the bedside which i did, and then i held my grandma's hand... for the last time. At that time, i really couldnt help but to start crying - i didnt want to lose my grandma but i knew her time had really come, and she would have to go real soon.
After awhile, my mum started discussing with my uncles about some preparations and stuff they have to do and so they had to go off, and my mum took the chance to send me to work.

I resumed work at about 9:30am and all the way until 3pm when my mum called me on my phone and said "Ah ma has just passed away, are you able to take leave off your work and head off to the hospital?". My heart fell. As my supervisor wasn't around, i told my friend's supervisor - Mr. Thong - about taking the emergency leave and my reason. He gave me the permission without any hesitation and was even gave my $50 for what us chinese called "bai jing" (I havent an idea about what it is in english). So i took a taxi to the hospital and when i arrived at the ward, all i could hear was weeping and the chanting from some mini  sound-producing device. My grandma laid montionless on the bed clad in her usual clothes. My aunt and cousin were beside her. I didnt shed a tear then, i didnt want to because im a guy, well, not until i walked forward to my grandma and said "Ah ma, i'm wei wei, i've come". Back then, a surge of sadness came by and forced the tears out of my eyes.

About an hour later, the mortuary people came and transported her body to the void deck of the flat near her home, where the wake would be held. Tents and tables were already set up by the time we got there.

At night, we burnt joss paper for her and i also started folding some kind of paper money and that was how the night passed.

One reason - because they are so damn NOT fun at all!
Edutainment developers are focusing TOO MUCH on CONTENT and TOO LITTLE on the FUN FACTOR, that's why they suck so much and nobody wants to play them! But well, educators are a stubborn bunch, they insist that whatever that teaches should teach to the maximum extent, even if it means sacrificing fun (which they believe to be a good trade-off because they presume fun will hinder teaching to some level because when people have too much fun they tend to forget about what they've learned in the process).
My take - If you're afraid of people missing the educational content because of the fun they have in playing a game, then don't mix them in the first place since games are sopposed to be mostly about fun!

They want educational content in games to be as prominent as humanly possible but one thing they've failed to notice is that educational content in edutainment games should be hidden and passed on in a masked form for one simple reason - a mojority of young people stereotype education to be the polar opposite of fun, so the moment they know it's gonna be something educational and they want something fun, they get tuned off by the nature of the game. But wtf, nobody in the education sector believes that, they think it's bullshit and all from the mouth of a stupid little kid.

The most important thing is, a game should be FUN. Even if it is lacking alittle in content, it's still a successful game if it's fun because people will play it. On the contrary, if it's got like loads of content but ain't fun at all, nobody will give a shit about playing it - it's a crappy excuse of a game in the end!
Drat, im absolutely pissed. It's probably gonna take another decade or two for educators to realize that the direction at which edutainment is heading is wrong.

To summarize it all - Edutainment stinks because it's all education and little to no entertainment, and so they appear to be really lame when being digested as games. Please, no edutainment unless fun is injected inside, otherwise they're plain embarrassing. If it is not fun, it is not a game no matter how much it passes off as one!

Took a tour to NUS organized by the school today along with some of my friends - Timothy, Diren, Wen Jen, Billy and one last guy whose name i forgot ask.

We attended a talk that was split into two different sessions- one before lunch and the other after. It was a pretty useful session because it cleared my ignorance on what they actually teach in the computer courses they offer. I've found something i really want to partake in after the talk - Computer Science (Communications and Media) - because that one offers games development as part of its year 3 specialization!!!

After the trip, we were sent back to school through the shuttle bus and after which, we headed to the fourth level because Billy had to settle something. When he was done, we decided to hit the LAN shop at Dhoby Ghaut for a game of DotA or two. However, to our dismay, Shuwei - an unwanted company - was following us around like a hound. So they made up a lie and said they were going to Johor in an attempt to shake him off lol, but unfortunately it didnt work. So they weaved another lie and saif they were going to Woodlands, which wasn't along Shuwei's way back home but... he was adamant on following us -_-"
We then came up with another plan, we whispered to each other about the escape plan - to board the train and get off just before the door closes so that Shuwei would be stuck inside and we would then rid ourselves of him.
At Dover, when the mrt arrived all of us boarded it and we started walking across the cabins. Diren and Billy separated from us and ran out of the train when the door was closing and so the remaining four of us were stuck with Shuwei.
At Clementi, i walked out with Wen Jen and the other guy whereas Timothy remained in the train with Shuwei until the door started closing, when he ran out hoping to leave Shuwei behind on the train but alas, Shuwei was able to get through the door, albeit after being clamped by the door (and the mrt's door opens automatically when it clamps onto something) so he managed to alight with us... sigh. But just when the doors were closing again, Timothy ran inside and boarded the train, leaving the three of us with Shuwei... zzz.
We started wandering around the station, trying extremely hard to shake him off but he stuck to us like a glue. Then later we split up, and Shuwei followed Wenjen so i slipped away with the other guy and ran towards the direction opposite of what the two are heading. But then Shuwei realized that we were missing and so he separated from Wenjen and came looking for the two of us. We went straight to the head of the train when the train arrived and there were groups of crowds before every door. I think Shuwei spotted us for a moment because he started darting towards us but then stopped when he lost us in the crowd so we took the opportunity to sneak onto the train. The other guy leaned against the glass panel to avoid being seen and recognized by Shuwei whereas i looked over his shoulder to see if he boarded the train but good thing he didnt. And that was how we managed to get rid of him.
So we all met up one-by-one/pair-by-pair back at Dover mrt station and in the process, we were hiding at various locations such as by the stairs and behind pillars in case Shuwei saw us on the train or something lol. It reminds me of when i was playing Metal Gear Solid, hide-run-hide-repeat. They said playing this hide-and-seek/catching game was more fun and exciting than DotA, which i totally second lol.

When all of us met up back at Dover MRT station (without Shuwei of course), we boarded the next incoming train and traveled to Dhoby Ghaut, where we played a game of DotA and a few rounds of Counter-Stike - I had the second lowest number of frags, but also the least deaths lol. I even managed to clear team twice! =D.

After the games we parted ways with Billy and the other guy outside the complex, and i parted ways with the rest at the MRT station. It was a crazy but fun day! =)

Ok, i think i pissed Sue-Anne off again yesterday when i told her that she's got loads of attitude back then when we were on our fyp, which in turn pissed us all off, but this time i am NOT gonna apologize, no, not a chance in hell! She needed to reflect on that and i don't believe that i said the wrong thing, afterall i merely stated the truth. Now she's starting to give me the cold shoulder again, excluding me even from a project discussion and started work on it without any giving me any notification or seeking prior consultation from me... wow, thanks alot.

I've always thought that she's the best groupmate i could get in both classes, yes, even more valuable than Timothy but i guess i was wrong. While she still proves a valuable assets when it comes to display of skills, her attitude's changed vastly. Now, she's lazy, gives you the angry glare when you make even the slightest changes to plans, and enjoys shifting the blame to other people.
Crap, whatthehell, i know her status this year is different and tons of stuff has happened to her. She had my sympathy but after i had to tolerate all those attitude from her, i decided to retract it in the end, and hence i sort of told her off yesterday.

I made a mistake. Had i known that i would not be selected by whichever morons calling the shots about who gets to go MIT, i would've joined Timothy and his group, then i'd probably be a much happier, less tired person, not to mention that i'd also get to be in Australia developing software for games with them now, experiencing independent living overseas. I missed out on so much when i made the decision not to defer my IA to join their group when invited to join their group back then.

I guess this is life, make one mistake and you get a period filled with shit in time to come. One has to tread carefully in order not to end up in "deep shit", exercising extreme care when considering each and every option he/she was given at a certain point of time.

Then again, was she really the one who has changed, or has been always been me, knowing that i've become rather melancholic, extremely negative and sarcastic after the MIT incident. Who knows? But damn, i never thought i'd miss Timothy this much lol (don't the the wrong idea, i'm straight), i always wonder how i would've ended up joining him instead of forming my own group. Then i wouldnt have to see to the leader duties (which i realize i totally stink at) and neither would i have to take all those nonsense from Sue-Anne (not to mention the breaking-down friendship)... she would've remained a faithful and caring friend in my mind.

I've lost a good friend, but if that's the way she's gonna act from then on til' the day she passes, then i don't really care. Who needs a friend who gives you attitude all day long anyway? But if she suddenly reverts back to her former self, then i'll probably regret it but right now one thing's for sure, she's pissed me off so damn badly i don't even want to be anywhere near her, or even see her. Oh well, decisions.

Went to k songs with my fellow cousins today! Hanhan, Ah Jing, Ah Yan, Ah Ern and myself made up the party.

Well, was late for the appointment.... supposed to meet them at Chinatown mrt station at 2 but i ended up reaching at 2:30 lol. But hey, Ah Yan and Ah Ern were came waaaayyy later than i did! Well, met up with Hanhan and her sis and traveled with them to the ten-dollar club! (I wonder how they find their way around though... i would've gotten lost traveling alone...)

Ok... so here we are, at the ten-dollar club ktv. While waiting for the brothers to come, we sang a few songs first... let's see, i sang:

Lang Hua Yi Duo Duo
Sun Wu Kong

After the brothers came, they ordered whole lists of songs! Wow, ktv fanatics lol.
So after they came, i sang:

Sun Wu Kong
Tian Tian Ye Ye
Words
Mei Ren Yu
Niu Zai Hen Mang
Guan Huai Fang Shi
Qi Li Xiang
Ye Qu
Huo Yuan Jia
Lian Ai ING

That's all i think... might be more, but i can't really remember =P

I like the way the brothers sing, so funny, if only i could entertain people like they do, then i wouldnt be such a dull person. Hanhan and her sis sang real well too, they've got really good voices for singing.

Today one of my most coveted wishes was fulfilled - Singing a duet with Hanhan =D

The session ended at 7pm, and each of us paid only $12 each, if that's not cheap i dunno what is! Sheez, $12 per person = 5-hour karaoke + free-flow drinks + 1 bowl of sharksfin. Man... that's got to be the best ktv deal i've ever participated in.

After that, we went out to have our dinner at a nearby street-side restaurant. Well, they said that some of the dishes (which i didn't eat) tasted pretty bad, what i did eat tasted pretty ok - good, except for the soup which lacked the fragrance... The crab looked pathetic though, $24 for a really small one =S (And it was considered the bigger sized crab) So Ah Yan was saying that the small one would probably be a baby crab, bite-size version.

When we were done with the dinner, we went straight to the MRT station and headed our separate ways home. Great day it was! =)

The sad thing, though, is that i can't sing lol, gotta practice more...

Lol, spent $20 yesterday for a palm reading from Master Khor, who had his booth set up at the second floor for around 2 weeks or so. Here're the stuff he said about me:

You're a highly emotional person, and is the kind of guy who'd give all his heart to the girl he loves, which is good for marriage but not necessarily so for other circumstances. Move on to another girl of the girl whom you like doesn't reciprocate the feeling.

You're a suckup for flattery; be careful about this, it's ok if the person who flatters you is a good friend, but otherwise, that person might be trying to gain something out of you.

You should go for high-risk jobs. (Is the games development industry considered one? lol)

You're very likely to travel abroad, and also very likely to marry a foreign girl.

You'll most likely be depending heavily on pubic relations for a living, and you'll have alot of friends who'll surround and help you out throughout your life.

You're very likely to marry at the age of 35, though it can be earlier.

You should move on to another job if the current one doesnt appreciate your presence. You'll eventually find one that's right for you.

You are a person who craves vanity. You like power, wealth, fame, everything. However, you will achieve all of these if you work towards them.

You have a very strong aura about you.

You're not born rich, but have a life full of wealth. You will become a very wealthy person in the future.

You should marry a girl who is intelligent, and is submissive to you. You should never be the one who is submissive to your partner.

You'll definitely become a very successful person in the future no matter what you do.

The readings sure sound good to me! =D

Yessss.... I just love family gatherings because that's when i get to mess around with my fun-loving cousins, who also happen to be the within the few who click best with me and my three adorable nephews =) A pity Hanhan, Woon Ling and Yihang weren't there to join in the fun though.

Apparently, my family (and a friend of my parents', along with her son Ying Soon) were the arrive at Xiaoshu's apartment. So i rounded Andrew, Alicia, and Ying Soon to take a walk downstairs, with the plan of playing table-tennis if the table is occupied in mind. But things didn't turned out as we had hoped, the table was occupied so we took a turn and went to play pool instead =)
Pool was fun, we had a teamed up in a round robin fashion and had 3 games. I won one, lost one and we stopped halfway through the third one because the next person who has got the pool room booked had arrived.
But by then, it was already 7 and that was the time which Andrew had the table-tennis table booked and so, we proceeded to play table-tennis right after lol

After playing for about half-an-hour or so, i went into the function room to get my food and watched Andrew and Alicia play against other people. I also went to disturb my nephews alittle =)

At around nine, i went back to the apartment with Andrew to play Quake 3 but the thing is, i didn't get to play it because right after we had it installed, my bro called up and said that we were leaving... aww geez. Oh well, maybe next time then, and hopefully by then HanHan, Woon Ling and Yihang would all be there and we would make all kinds of ruckus as we play like the we did the on first time =)

I want more cousins gatherings! =D

It's just so tough to have to let go of something you've always wanted to hold on dearly to for a long while, my heart bleeds... but do i have a choice?
Gotta admit it now, im just not good with girls. All the girls i've ever fallen for always end up falling for somebody else... why is it so? Is that because im no good-looking enough, is it because of my hairdo, or is it because my results aren't good enough? Tell me, somebody tell me about it.
I really don't know because the guys whom they fell for, some are (not being arrogant or what) not even half as good-looking as i am, nor have got results that are even half as good as mine, and as for the hairdo, fine, maybe i should change it =S So, is it the hairdo? But hey, there are those who've got hairdos worse than mine too! So nothing in the list applies... what does it boil down to? I dunno...

Maybe i'll just listen to Qing Tian for another few days, just like i used to when i felt real down, bogged down by relationship matters, when everything in that area just seemed real hopeless. The ol' song...

Gua feng zhe tian, wo shi guo wo zhe ni shou. Dang pian pian, yu jian jian, da dao wo kan ni bu jian.

So i guess it all comes down to one fact now: I'm not a ladies' man; im hopeless with girls.
Having fallen in with someone is tough, letting go is even tougher, but if you don't let go, you end up suffering more... that is, unless things turn around (of which is nearly inapplicable in my case).

Hai yao duo jiu, wo cai neng zhai ni sheng bian; deng dai feng qing de na tian ye xu wo hui bi jiao hao yi dian.

Sigh, maybe after i wake up, i'll just forget everything. Damn, im talking like an adult though im just an immature kid.

After bearing all the hatred and anger for quite a number of days, i had a talk with Tio Yong. It was rather fruitful, he opened my eyes to things which i had never thought about before and, to some extent, simmered my emotions. Am grateful to this great guy =)

Those days were agonising, having to carry the emotional burden around everywhere i go, think the world is unfair to me and stuffs (though i sorta still do, just alot less). But now, i guess i've pretty much gotten over it.

Lol, now it's just the projects that's bogging me down, so many of em... geez. Many stupid things i did recently that's really prevented me from focusing on my tasks on-hand, and gradually allowed them to pile up into their current mountainous state. Of the stupid things i did, the stupidest was chasing a girl, no, a tomboy lol. Well, maybe i still am, but not as umm... "fervent" as i was. I kinda got tired of it -_-" (and h2's definitely better)

Right now, i just want to be a good leader and ultimately lead my team to glory =)